What's the difference between a singer and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a singer and a piranha?

The lipstick.

What's the difference between a singer and a pit bull?

The jewelry.

How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.

What's the difference between a singer and the average hurling manager?

The stage makeup.

If you threw a fiddle player and a singer off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?

The fiddle player. The singer would have to stop halfway down to ask directions.

What's the next thing a singer does in the morning?

Looks for her instrument.

How do you put a sparkle in a singer's eye?

Shine a torch in her ear.

How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to screw it in and the other to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"

How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to complain that they could have done it if they had the high notes.

How do you tell if a singer is dead?

The wine bottle is still full, the cigarettes haven’t been touched and the comics haven't been read.

How do you tell if a singer is actually dead?

Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

What is the difference between a world war and a singer?

The singer’s performance causes more suffering.

Why do high singers travel so often?

Keeps assassins guessing.

What's the definition of an optimist?

A singer with a mortgage.

What is the difference between a singer and a chimpanzee?

It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

As soon as the singer completed a song, the audience were screaming 'Once More! Once More!'. The Singer obliged and sang the song again. She couldn't believe it when the audience screamed for her to sing it again. This was then repeated another ten times. Then singer overjoyed at the response from the audience thanked them and asked them why they were so interested to hear the same song again and again. One of the people in the audience replied, 'we wanted you to improve it, now it's better.

Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

How many Boy Bands does it take to change a lightbulb?

We don't know - lightbulbs last longer than most Boy Bands!

How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?

On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and the average All-Pro offensive lineman?

Stage makeup.

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?

About 5 pounds.

How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?

The horses seem very relieved.

What's the definition of an alto?

A soprano who can sight read.

What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?

Tenors don't have hair on their backs.

How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They can't go that high.

What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance?

The tennis final has more men.

How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?

The center of the universe shifts with every step they take.